Category Archives: Listicles

I Have a Beef with Steak & a Blowjob Day

I like steak. I like blowjobs. I don’t much care for Steak & a Blowjob Day. It might come as a surprise to hear this from me, an esteemed Blowjob Novelist who for some reason has decided to completely alienate his target audience, but this is one load of truth that I can not hold back any longer.

The tone of the official Steak & a Blowjob Day website is as you might expect: the spawn of Maxim magazine and the Beef Council. Photos galore of hotties in their underwear, hard at work in the kitchen. While I do give them credit for raising money for charity, they are more or less confirming that this day is in fact an act of revenge against Valentine’s Day and it is an act of entitlement against significant others. This holiday stinks of the deplorable men’s rights movement, but it can not be as easily dismissed. Continue reading

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Best Blowjob Ever: 4 Easy Steps

I wouldn’t have written a 324 page novel about blowjobs if I didn’t have at least a few opinions on the matter. What follows is my best attempt to pool my knowledge, tips, and personal preferences into a simple 4-step process for giving the best blowjob ever. That’s right, this is another listicle and one that doesn’t neglect the testicles.

I should preface with the statement that I cannot speak for the blowjob preferences of all men. In fact, I will be highlighting some techniques that are specifically targeted to men who watch blowjob porn. So, I guess that is 99%* of men? (*citation missing) If you are trying to provide oral pleasure your non-porn-watching man, then this may not be the blog for you. Congrats on finding your dude, by the way. May you never have to experience the depths of depravity that lie in the paragraphs ahead. Continue reading

My Top 4 Favorite Sex Bloggers

Do you remember the days before sex blogging? Perhaps you don’t—and that goes for some of the bloggers in my list below—so I should explain. Quality sex education and entertainment was much more consolidated and less diverse. Books from big publishing houses, the nudie magazines that we all know by name, and of course Big Porn were your best bet for getting the juicy, graphic details about what people are capable of doing with their sex lives.

Yes, there were plenty of gems to be found like the Real Sex HBO series, if your parents purchased cable, or if you could sneak in a viewing at a friend’s house. Despite those fluffy bangs and handsome mullets, Real Sex is a timeless piece of erotic history and nothing of its range and calibur has been produced since. I surmise that this is because sex blogging has actually picked up the baton from televised media and is much more capable of dishing out the goods at an exponential rate. Continue reading